Beach House


Hot Garden Stomp




the Mountain Goats



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"Hello There Howard"

Beach House is the ninth song on The Mountain Goats' fourth cassette, Hot Garden Stomp.


I get letters telling me since I moved away 
You've taken to hanging out on that rock about a mile from shore 
And given what I know about that rock, namely that it's populated by seals 
I strongly suggest to you that you not hang out there anymore 

'Cause the seal is a wily and a vicious creature 
And the seal will bite you if you give him half a chance 
Yeah the seal has a mind set on violence 
And the seal is the sworn enemy of man 

Now when I say that the seal is vicious, I use the term advisedly 
According to Webster's 9th New Collegiate, definition 4b
Which states that vicious means marked by ferocity 
And offers as a synonym: savage 

'Cause the seal is a vicious and a wily creature 
And the seal has a mind full of evil designs 
And the seal will harm you and laugh about it 
Yeah the seal is not a creature you want to toy with 
Yeah the seal is not a creature you want to toy with 

Comments by John Darnielle About this SongEdit

  • "That's an example of a personified narrator. I don't have anything against seals, I happen to like seals. The explanation of the song is, there's a guy who’s obsessively in love with some woman and in order to get her to live not far away from him he makes up this thing about seals being dangerous. ...He's an incompetent guy. There are better ways; you can say the crime rate is high, that might dissuade—'seals will bite you' will not dissuade somebody from living someplace. The same basic character is in other songs. He's neurotic but not psychotic: somebody who gets through the details of daily life, and you wouldn't really know he's insane unless you were his girlfriend. I never fleshed him out as a guy—he doesn't have a name. The songs are dramatic monologues so the character exists only for the utterance." -- 1994 interview with John, Puncture magazine

Things Referenced in this SongEdit

Live Shows this Song Was Played atEdit

Videos of this SongEdit

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